it's a beautiful day and i'm supposed to be racing around readying for thanksgiving. but i can't stop feeling the thanks. isn't that what we're supposed to do? this whole season was built around it. but i keep trying to push it aside to plan menus, make lists and clean rooms.

i wouldn't be so rushed if it weren't for the company we've had for the last month or so. all welcome guests who gave us joy and enriched our lives. and now it comes down to the mundane righting of the household. today's society and its stipulations encroach and people say "hurry, or you won't get it all done in time". i know i'll give back. make a juicy turkey, a welcome atmosphere and, barring mishaps, tasty tempting side-dishes. i'm leaving desserts to the experts this year, as the sweet stuff always seems to be the straw that stresses me. i don't want to feel stress this year. i want to keep this feeling that i'm so lucky to have what i have, to have found what i've found, and to have kept the capacity to enjoy it all.

i'm 50 now. that thought comes through and all i feel is grateful. i've earned any lines, aches and cellulite that has formed in/around this body. i've earned the short-term memory lapses and jumbled thoughts that result from a life filled with times worth remembering and lessons well learned. i don't have the slightest urge to have anything nipped, tucked or enhanced. i'll keep it all. the aging process has brought me a new awareness of the luck i have that others do not. the gifts i keep and try to use when i can.

my computer's crowded with photos, journals and wishes. my greatest joys are simple ones: pen and paper play (blue ink, bold lines and flourishes), trying to finish just one more crossword puzzle before bed, collecting recipes, soft yarns, baking the perfefctly browned whatever, watching the dogs run up/down the walkway, abundant flowerbeds, sleepy saturdays, a good garage sale, listening to adventures told by my kids (whosever biological ones they are), laughing, music that moves me, a flattering outfit, all natural shades of green, a perfect sentence, an inviting scent, old movies, anything jimmy stewart did, honest people, funny friends, baby animals, my front yard, saying "we" instead of "me", grated cheddar, howard stern, mom's house and the memories there, family traditions, vibrant colors, the look of trust on a dog's face, brothers-in-law, balloons, pool parties, cool breezes on a hot day, wind chimes, sunsets, fireworks, piglet, my husband wearing his 'comfies', a good hair day, pride in my work, watching my soap, italian soccer, perfectly fried fish & chips, fruity drinks where you can't taste the alcohol, barbeques, silhouettes and having had granparents. so much more, but i think i've already won the contest for longest run-on sentence. i'd list them instead, but i don't like the look of lists - reminds me of to-do chore and shopping lists. thanks should flow and keep coming like pouring rain or the spicy finish of a perfect bite.

all the thanksgiving thoughts i've heard and read lately, felt forced to me. like they're supposed to happen now, so here they are. this morning they all hit and i'm warm with them. it's going to be a great day. thanks to all who've brought me here. time to get out the shopping list...