Mind Games

Funny how little some people know about me. lately I’ve been pulling these old stories out of my head in conversation and surprising myself thinking that people who’ve known me for years don’t know 

Reynolds & Reynolds. For the rich bitch Gold opened at 400% over market today. 1979 Dave Greenwood. So funny, I was the rich bitch?

Weekend in vegas. Ed likes the smokey, dusty dimly-lit rooms full of gambling people. He likes to drink and gamble. Funny, I remember having gone through a few phases like that – in my 20s, stay at the blackjack table until 2am. Tidal winnings – up / down / up / down – hopefully leaving with more. But not much so it may not have been worth the price of the experience.

It used to be such a grownup thing to do. Walk up to a blackjack table and plunk down your $20. Tommy used to say that the dealers just LOOOOOVED those "girls with their 20’s”.  He said that was their bread and butter. It seems you have to have money to make money. Or win money. And I never went in with anything. I just couldn’t imagine saving money to gamble. Or give it away. I’d rather have something to show for it. Through my husband though, I’ve come to understand that someone who considers that atmosphere akin to entertainment. Like a dinner and a concert. I’ve never balked at that before so maybe I can see how it could be viewed as something to save for.

Desert, tumbleweeds. Always feels the same driving through. I always wonder how it feels to live here. Or there. Especially in a foreign country, I don’t know why I find it so hard to wrap my head around it. These people think this is perfectly normal. Like the woman in the water taxi. Surrounded by the glory of Bora Bora, I asked her if she knew just how beautiful it all is. How does it feel to live with such beauty? She looked at me sorta strange and half-shrugged her shoulders. It’s just home to me.

Some moments stick in your mind for no apparent reason. You forget so many things. Moreso as you age. Even what you had for breakfast. Yet the moments are still there. The same ones. And they pop up at the strangest times. It doesn’t have to be anything necessarily monumental or even all that special. But for some reason durable.

Reynolds & Reynolds.