it's a brand new year, time to do the resolution thing. the ones that come to mind are the same ones that fail each year so it's hard to take them seriously. this time i've decided to pick only those that come directly from mistakes i've made and lessons i've learned in the old year.
take friendships for example. good ones, bad ones, old ones, new ones - i'm sorting through them all. a friendship can end just because it's time. no, really, it can and should. no need to hold on after it's become an obligation and listening to the opinions of others on whether to keep or dump just confuses things. when you're not having fun anymore it's time to go.
friends who listen as well as talk are worth their weight in brownies. if someone dominates your time together with every detail of their life it can feel like watching a bad television show when the remote is just out of reach. asking how you're doing then talking over your answer just doesn't spell sincerity.
according to the dictionary, there IS a difference. a FRIEND is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. an ACQUAINTANCE is someone recognized by sight or someone known, but not intimately. for me, the line that separates the two has been as defined as a shadow. it's time to trace over shadows with an extra bold sharpie. after years of making wonderful friends out of co-workers, i've come to realize those times are more than over. with responsibility comes great clarity: co-workers are aquaintances and should remain that way. the lessons i've learned from my mistakes in that area could fill lake tahoe.
BALANCE is a word that's kicked around alot lately. work / home / school / friends / family / yeesh! our lives are so much fuller than they used to be and i haven't even begun to master the art of anything resembling balance. i'd like to make it happen, even if i have to make a time grid to do it. since goals are often financial in nature, to me that says "work harder" which can REALLY mess up this equation. instead i'd like to add "work better" as a goal this year. spending an hour on a task that can be done in 10 minutes often just has to do with brain traffic. think clearly - another goal.
give advice ONLY when asked and judge ONLY when my opinion is relevant. if it's none of my business, i'd like to keep it that way. i've spent way too much time on things that don't require my input. oh, and don't fight someone else's opinion - it's theirs to keep. as is mine.
there are always the standard goals that i just can't ignore - love with all you have. DON'T hold back if the prize is worth it, DO hold back if it's just not there. instead of strict health regimens that will last until the end of february (if i'm lucky), add more vegetables & fruit to my diet, schedule more long walks (i love those) and keep the pasta to a minimum. that last one's a killer.
schedule a chat with myself at the end of each month in pen, no cancellations allowed. that's 12 times this year to assess whether or not i've made any progress and 12 opportunities to put myself back on track.
that "life is short" has become a cliche. based on the growing number of folks who've left my life, i'd have to agree. the challenge here is to keep that in mind when things get hectic or during times when family and close friends are just plain crabby. it's hard for me to remind myself to treasure loved ones while they're here since i start bawling immediately at the thought of them gone. note to self: that's not productive so cut it out.
worry is really hard on the soul. i'd like to reset my trigger so that worrying turns into action. if i can make some preparation in case whatever i'm worried about happens, do it. if there is nothing i can do, snuff out the worry quickly. one of the loftier goals for sure, but also one of the most important ones. i heard somewhere that a 100-yr old man was asked the secret of his longevity. his answer? "when it rains, i let it". here's to letting it rain in 2012!
i do
in-laws can be at best comfortable, at worst assholes. i know. my earlier ones brought along lots of drama, confusion, and attitude. oh, there were some fun times but some really difficult ones as well. i'm sure i added to the chaos at times but in a scene like that who would notice?
they talked about the hubby's old girlfriends "he was so much in love and was devastated when she left him" gee, did i REALLY need to know that? they asked for money, got jealous if one of their deadbeat boyfriends looked at me, made my relatives feel unwelcome and they conversed in spanish without considering i might want to join in - hell, even understand their conversations. they showed up at the door and stayed for months - "oh, didn't your husband tell you we were coming?" ummmm, no. a physical fight actually broke out at a wedding of all places. I could go on but i won't because this story has a happy ending.
eventually there was a feeling of incredible relief that i didn't have children who would have learned bad manners and unsavory behavior on weekends with their dad and his family.
present day: my in-laws are funny, always make me feel welcome and there is NO drama. on the few occasions where i got a little bitchy, they didn't give advice, didn't judge, and didn't seem to mind at all. sure there are ex-wives, but the current ones are always given the right of way and any scars left behind don't show up at family gatherings.
oh, and there are theme parties. let's see - a white trash party complete with cheese whiz and spam, an 80's party with big hair and cheesy make-up, a 50th birthday with geriatric gifts and white hair, a toga party where sheets tried but didn't quite make a Roman fashion statement, a luau with tropical drinks and sarongs and super bowl parties with crazy ways to pick next years teams. there are ghoul pools, wine-tastings, and just all-around good times. people get thrown in the pool, ride piggyback, play cards, dominos and beer pong.
yep, i lucked out allright. i think a 70's theme party might be in order and we all know what that means. the brady bunch is alive and well and living in our family.
come hell or high water
ever wonder where often-used phrases come from? i find myself saying something familiar then immediately wondering who coined that phrase and why. where did "coin a phrase" come from anyway?
mind your Ps and Qs (what's wrong with Bs and Cs?)
throw the baby out with the bath water (why not the old man?)
oh for God's sake (why bring him into this?)
a penny for your thoughts (i'd rather have a dollar)
fair to middlin (i get fair, but what the heck is middlin?)
what's shakin? (lots of things are shakin but why do you want to know that?)
how do you like them apples? (what apples?)
from soup to nuts (shouldn't that be from appetizer to dessert?)
johnny come lately (he can come late, but how does he come lately? and who's Johnny?)
one-trick pony (am i a pony? seriously)
fiddle sticks (no clue whatsoever)
let the cat out of the bag (someone keeps a cat in a bag? call the humane society!)
bring home the bacon (i'd rather bring home a paycheck than a pork product)
hit rock bottom (do we know there are rocks on the bottom? could be sand or grass)
what a sap (how did he turn into a gummy tree substance and why is it bad to do so?)
Jack of all trades (what if his name is Harry or Steve?)
Jumping Jack Flash (Jack gets around and he is very active)
another county heard from (what about the city or state? don't they have an opinion?)
it's raining cats and dogs (what? are there farm animals too?)
up at the crack of dawn (did it break?)
so many more, too many to think of. guess i'll just take a powder.
back-office
hello from my office. i am the manager of a very efficient and service-oriented accounts payable department. let me set the scene for you. regular office-type noises in the background, not much laughing or talking cuz hey, we're pretty darn busy. florescent lights, calendars, a few plants, guest chairs. oh yeah, and giant mounds of paper. as part of my effort to streamline and improve the department, i've come up with a few tips on how to assure excellent service from myself and my team. these i gladly pass on, without so much as a *hint* of sarcasm:
1. call every day about something minor
2. be as vague as possible when inquiring about an invoice or payment
3. assume and assert that you are the ONLY one in the WORLD that we service
4. need the same explanation over and over, and still don't understand it
5. act like you are the king/queen/god and we are low-life scum
6. know absolutely nothing about anything and don't even bother to know where to find out
7. assume that your invoice is jumping out at us from a pile of over 1,000 others saying "here i am, here i am"
8. e-mail often and copy everyone in the company directory about a $2.95 expense reimbursement
9. stand behind me until i get your minor task or request done
10. send/give us copies after copies of the same invoice/payment request over and over, by e-mail, fax, inter-office mail AND US Mail
11. mention everything we are doing "wrong" in meetings with executives, then smirk at me because my throwing YOU under the bus now would seem argumentative
12. assign the stupidest most air-headed person on your staff to be our liaison to your department
13. insist that we are the hold-up, that your invoice is sitting on our desk gathering dust, then find it on your own desk
14. make excuses about why you can't possibly get to our request because you're swamped, but assume that we are twiddling our thumbs
15. assume that we can just whip our our checkbook and write you a check and refuse to believe that there is a process involved and that it takes time
16. accuse us often of holding your invoice for our own pleasure other than because there are legitimate reasons why we can't get to it immediately
any and all of these will make our process go much more smoothly and improve our morale. i'm sure i've left out a few ways to give us incentive to handle your issue immediately, but feel free to call us and tell us how to do our jobs.
haven't i seen you somewhere before?
a wise group of women sat & watched a movie. one saw a common theme that i had apparently missed entirely. as stories get recycled with new spins and settings, they're just begging to be compared and i don't want to disappoint.
note to reader - the opinions in this blog are based solely on my personal taste, the decision of the judges is final
the official SOUND OF MUSIC vs. THE KING AND I competition begins:
King vs. Captain: point for K&I based on rank
Yul vs. Christopher: i was going to call a tie, but Yul's king is just too adorable so point for K&I
Scared woman in a new world: petrified Maria has it over brave Anna, point for SOM
Lots of children: K&I wins for most and cutest
Singing governess/teacher: SOM has it, Julie did her own vocals
Asserting dominance: King tells Anna how to behave - When I sit, you sit. When I kneel, you kneel. Et cetera, et cetera - degrading alright. Captain blows his whitle - When I want you, this is what you will hear - i'd have booted him out the door. hands down SOM
Heroine wardrobe: hello? curtain fabric? point for K&I
Scenery: no brainer, SOM's alps & old world charm over K&I's obvious painted backdrops
Slave-owners vs. Natzis: point for K&I because, well, cultural vs. maniacal
Sympathetic sidekick: Lady Thiang over Frau Schmidt based on looks alone
Villain: the Baroness is just plain snarky so vote for the King's cranky advisor
Escape plan, part 1: SOM. more tension when the VonTrapps dont come back to the stage than when Toptim doesn't
Escape plan, part 2: Toptim was caught and her boyfriend killed. point for SOMs alp-climbers
Sing-a-long energy: SOM, i just can't stay in my seat and more songs to sing along to
Defining production number: so many in SOM so point there. honorable mention for K&I's unique interpretation of an american classic with Asian style/beauty
Party grandness: K&I's ambassador dinner wins over Liesl's first ball
Star-crossed lovers theme song: sixteen going on seventeen has dancing, we kiss in the shadows doesn't so point for SOM
Boyfriend exit: Lun Tha was killed but Rolf just followed Hitler, goes to SOM
Governess/Teacher's advice for scared child(ren): my favorite things wins over whistle a happy tune for production value and singalongability
Happy ending: Captain and Maria marry, King dies. SOM
Personal connection: Grampa's hand-painted titles, main title in his OWN recognizabla hand-writing - HUGE point for SOM (and HUGE grin on my face)
Tally? King and I: 8 Sound of Music: 13
stories
last night i drank funky drinks and made sausage & peppers. love being around my niece and nephew. they're having their teenhood like i did long ago. the cycle of life. want to go to the huntington libabry but when i get there, unless i'm taking pics or reading a book i can't think of what to do. sitting here in my backyard with the flowers & dogs running around - more peaceful. no drive home, no hot car, no one place to another. time is my enemy and my friend. tanner is chewing on a stick and crunching it - holding it with his paw so it won't get away. there's always a schedule. last weekend i had one of those i don't need to be anywhere by any time type of days. like at the beachhouse. those are my favorites. telling a story on the screen reading a book that tells a story to me. stories. where would our lives be without them. how many things can tell a story. a musician tells a story with his song, composer with his note placement, tree with it's roots and branches. every grey hair tells what we've survived. i'd like to tell a story too. about finding treasure. the night before with good friends, laughing at movies and funny times, creating more funny times out of nothing. someone says something and i just lose it like when i was a teenager and my stomach would hurt from laughing. that doesn't happen very often to me, but with these folks it's easy and i feel like i can do anything at all. up at the crack of dawn and the hunt begins. nothing more amazing than being at the beach when the sun is just coming up. it's a whole different light and space. before the mobs, before the heat. i could do with a few less sandcrabs but otherwise the perfect setting. need to re-charge soon, have to call the girls & see when the next adventure will be.
dusty
is it wrong to hide out for one delicious weekend? since i have no kids, it's a definite possibility, but i am not immune to guilt over what i'm not doing. it'll all be there on monday, but i won't. i'm definitely realizing that the 9-5 (or more like 8-7) career lifestyle doesn't leave much time for life, but it keeps the house. ironic really, i can keep it but can't find time to upkeep it.
phone calls. interrupting phone calls. everyone's life in my way. so horrible, i know. i love my friends. it used to be the ones that were fun and exciting were the ones to be with. now, the zen ones are the ones i migrate to. calming, nurturing, olde worlde friends - like a cool drink of water on a hot summer day.
striving for beach and green and no noise at all. luckily my husband knows this and indulges my do-nothing time. he sees the signs, from mild sighs here and there to downright crying jags. and sometimes the universe provides and allows a wonderful weekend or two. i've realized just how much this downtime means. pajama weekend working on something fun and cathartic, soul-searching ones where i write, read and indulge my mind, lolling with girlfriends with no schedule or pulling forces.
back to the original thought - friends lives in my ear. i am so happy to have friends, just want to hang the do-not-disturb sign sometimes.
