searching

my life can be summed up in the searches. not least of all the search for a partner to share with. i'd heard success stories where folks married at 40+ at the end of their search and all was right again in their worlds. at least those were the stories told to me by some who wished i could finally find mr. right instead of mr. could-be-if-i-try-harder.

i can say now that the love story continues and that it is okay to meet that i'm-so-happy-to-be-with person at a later age. the shared history? i've seen that it can be the very thing that breaks up the heartiest relationship. lately i've begun to 'un-romanticize' that theory and realize that the differences we bring to the mix are just as powerful. that we've settled as humans and (hopefully) learned to handle discrepancy with grace also comes into play here. the years we get through do make us stronger, i'm sure of it.

chapter one: meeting someone.

it happened at work during a time so chaotic i really don't know how i got through it. yet there he was, someone who smiled when i passed by and sent a bit of sanity my way in an unsettled atmosphere. i was pleasantly surprised to realize that he wasn't there to hurt or take, that he shared common experiences growing up not far from where i did, and that his search was on a similar path as mine. the times that followed became more meaningful and hard to let go. the opportunities to go on separately were there, but something just held us. something i later realized was love.

chapter two: merging

can we fit and fill well-established lives and expectations? not the easiest task when you've logged so many hard-won miles. but when the person is worth it, the fit just happens. the journey begins together, and the upsets end in holding on. we both felt again and again that our meeting was important and that our feelings would one day form a routine that fulfill and sustain, one that we'd be happy to come home to.

chapter three: i do

there was a promise to love, then there was a promise to stay. both done most eloquently. i'm very lucky to have found someone who expresses their love meaningfully and in unforgettable ways. the ring box in the comfies, the monogrammed stockings, the bed-n-breakfasts, surprise spa treatments, even a home-cooked candlelight dinner or two. gifts from the heart and for the mind. just some of the things i've been blessed with. a strong family, work ethic and mindset, the ability to fix EVERYTHING and make things better than they were before, more blessings. our weddingmoon: the most magical time in my life.

chapter four: nesting and other likenesses

our home is our image. we are both there in the walls and hedges. who knew there were so many more ideas than my narrow decorating abilities. there's a certain strength and ease about our style that wasn't there before. no more girl-child beginnings or chances. just solid wood in the most inviting colors and textures. solid. a word i've gotten used to lately. that he'll be there and do what's right when all else falls away - restoration of faith in its most vulnerable state. i just need to learn to lean into it more, something i have trouble with due to all sorts of prior disappointments. strength in weakness, a new concept for me.

chapters: near and distant future

to appreciate, to demonstrate, and to illustrate the love that has come to me. to allow for a differing opinion. to give in ways that add exclamation points to their meaning. i hope to shorten my learning curves and enjoy my surprise life to the fullest. that i can see other loves as frivolous and unearned in comparison, rights so many wrongs and heals so many wounds. my husband has brought me that and more.

the love continues...