fragility
the cynical side kicks in and i wonder how much i can really trust. people have disappointed me in that arena for many years. once so badly i think it changed my entire outlook on life. i wonder about folks who talk about others in such a negative way - that they're not talking about me the same way when i'm not around. i've been told this is usually the case.
some people just have a sense about other people. they know immediately if that person is trustworthy or not so much. they sense failures and half-truths when they should, and take as long as they need to form opinions on folks they meet, especially those they are exposed to by other family members (aka family-members' new boyfriends, baby-daddies, best friends etc.)
i seem to have switched places with my mother on this trait. she used to always see the good in people - the angel in her head always overtook the devil when it came to giving people chance after chance to prove themselves. now, she is quick to know right from wrong, good from bad. i think it comes from years of having her beliefs proven wrong, some dreadfully so. with me, however, it's feeling over function, and hope that drives the opinion mechanism: do i like this person? am i drawn to them? do i want them in my life? do i NEED them in my life? if any of those apply, then YES, they are good people and deserve my trust. i think everyone can see the flaw in that logic (or lack thereof), although i am just now realizing it.
so, i'm left to my own intuition in this area. i believe i would be better served if i could just listen purely to my own hard-won judgement. if i could kick the long-standing habit of letting my inner critic talk over whatever first thought comes to mind, particularly in areas of character judgement. there always seems to be a more compelling reason to believe the hopeful aspects of a person and not the signs of that persons integrity (or lack thereof).
choices made, people accepted or left behind, it IS what it IS what it IS. better judgement in the future? if i can silence (or strangle, either one works) that inner critic who's obviously proven to be very naive and new to all this logical assessement stuff, there's a good shot.
OR i can finally listen to mom.
I used to end up liking the people the most that I didn't like right away. But, now it's the opposite. I usually end up really liking the people that I like right away and find that the people that I don't like at first, I get to know them, and prove my first impression right. Maybe I used to be more naive and didn't listen to my gut? More gullible? Or am I just wiser and more in tune now?