back-office
hello from my office. i am the manager of a very efficient and service-oriented accounts payable department. let me set the scene for you. regular office-type noises in the background, not much laughing or talking cuz hey, we're pretty darn busy. florescent lights, calendars, a few plants, guest chairs. oh yeah, and giant mounds of paper. as part of my effort to streamline and improve the department, i've come up with a few tips on how to assure excellent service from myself and my team. these i gladly pass on, without so much as a *hint* of sarcasm:
1. call every day about something minor
2. be as vague as possible when inquiring about an invoice or payment
3. assume and assert that you are the ONLY one in the WORLD that we service
4. need the same explanation over and over, and still don't understand it
5. act like you are the king/queen/god and we are low-life scum
6. know absolutely nothing about anything and don't even bother to know where to find out
7. assume that your invoice is jumping out at us from a pile of over 1,000 others saying "here i am, here i am"
8. e-mail often and copy everyone in the company directory about a $2.95 expense reimbursement
9. stand behind me until i get your minor task or request done
10. send/give us copies after copies of the same invoice/payment request over and over, by e-mail, fax, inter-office mail AND US Mail
11. mention everything we are doing "wrong" in meetings with executives, then smirk at me because my throwing YOU under the bus now would seem argumentative
12. assign the stupidest most air-headed person on your staff to be our liaison to your department
13. insist that we are the hold-up, that your invoice is sitting on our desk gathering dust, then find it on your own desk
14. make excuses about why you can't possibly get to our request because you're swamped, but assume that we are twiddling our thumbs
15. assume that we can just whip our our checkbook and write you a check and refuse to believe that there is a process involved and that it takes time
16. accuse us often of holding your invoice for our own pleasure other than because there are legitimate reasons why we can't get to it immediately
any and all of these will make our process go much more smoothly and improve our morale. i'm sure i've left out a few ways to give us incentive to handle your issue immediately, but feel free to call us and tell us how to do our jobs.
